Hi there. I am a diaper bag. I used to be pretty cute, black and gray, Coach. I’ve been slugged and flung through every restaurant, airport, playdate, doctor’s office, front seat, back seat, zoo train, elevator, drive thru, story time, church pew and escalator this side of the White River. Now, I’m not saying “The Mom” doesn’t love me, I know she does. She held me so tight when her husband gave me to her for her first Mother’s Day. She used to clean me out every couple of weeks, now I think it’s been a few months. I’ve just been feeling kind of down lately. Maybe it’s this long winter, or maybe it’s because I am stored down, down on the bottom shelf of the coat closet. I guess it’s because the little brother doesn’t pull all my contents out any more and scatter them around the entire first floor. “The Mom” used to get so upset when he did this, but I didn’t mind. I thought it was pretty funny, and the little brother sure did too. At least I was getting lots of attention.
I love warm weather! That means I get to go to so many great places and work hard. I love to work, I mean, what do you think all these pockets, and zippers, and compartments are for? Sitting on the bottom shelf of a closet? So, here is what happened today…
6:30am I hear footsteps upstairs. Someone is up! The day is starting.
6:35am The coffee maker starts running, and yes, that is the closet opening. Yippee! I am going somewhere today!
6:37am False alarm. The mom was just looking for her yoga mat.
7:23am I’m being set on the counter! This is happening! I am going somewhere!
8:03am Help! It’s a stampede! It’s buffalo! Oh, it’s just breakfast.
9:15am I am being filled with snack bags and water cups. While you are in there lady, do you think you could take out a few of the Cheerios that have been down here for about a year?
9:38am The big brother has to go potty, and I get a front-row view now that I am sitting in the back hall. He is trying to teach the little brother how to go on the potty. No! Don’t do it! I need you little brother, don’t grow out of diapers yet!
9:41am Phew. The little bro announced that he will “not be going on the potty until I am much bigger”. The mom looks upset, however, I am smiling from zipper to zipper!
9:47am I survive the back hall chaos. Shoes are flying, coats are landing on me, someone is crying. Oh, wait, watch out! Don’t bite, don’t land on me! Oh brother, brothers. Can’t you just put your shoes on and get out the door like your mom is asking?
9:48am Little brother sneaks a milk cup inside me. I can already tell it’s leaking. Oh great.
9:54am I finally make it into the big, shiny minivan! We pick up a grandma and head to the shoe store. Shoe store?! Perfect. Little brother always has to go #2 there.
10:17am I am in the shoe store and watching big brother try on some shoes that light up.
10:18am Where is little brother?
10:20am Found him. In the corner, going #2.
10:21am Off I go with the mom to the bathroom. Please let them have a hook, please let them have a hook!
10:22am No hook. Man, if only I could reach that Lysol from down here on this dirty bathroom floor.
10:41am Back in the minivan and someone is throwing stickers on me.
11:28am Are we pulling into the Dr.’s office? Again?
11:59am Still waiting to see the Dr. I am being ransacked! No! I do not have 3 Etch a Sketches! Calm down people, have a snack! I, I think I’m blacking out.
12:55pm I am coming to. I think I am back in the van. Wow. What happened in here? Is that someone’s sock on the dashboard? The mom looks like she could use a glass of wine or something. Wait, please tell me that is chocolate on her sleave!
1:15pm I am set back in the hallway as the kids take off their shoes, coats, scream, run, kick…
1:18pm Little brother is rummaging through me. He found his milk cup. And he is eating the year-old Cheerios. Gross.
1:23pm Toddler fight! Someone took someone’s Jake and the Neverland pirate ship. Blah, blah, blah. Must be about nap time.
1:28pm The mom is wiping big brother’s tears in the back hall.
“It’s ok Buddy, I love you.”
He wraps his chubby little arms around her neck.
“Mommy, I love you all the way to the North Pole and back”.
I’ll take a front row seat for that any time. I better rest up. They might need me later! It’s a good day to be a diaper bag.